One of my favorite hobbies is speculating on how our leaders react to events. From what I’ve read about what they’ve said in the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, I believe I know what their reaction and comments were on the solar eclipse on the longest day of the year. This is of course a piece of satire and should not be taken seriously!

Lady Minister in charge of climate change: “The total solar eclipse has occurred in Pakistan after exactly 21 years and on the twenty first day of the month. The credit for this of course goes to our dynamic, young and dashing Dear Leader Imran Khsn (who is more energetic than most twenty one year old men in the country). Without his efforts the “smart” solar eclipse would never have taken place. As everyone knows, in a normal solar eclipse, it’s difficult to convince people to stay indoors, but we arranged for the smart solar eclipse to happen on a Sunday so that our people do not become victims of the twenty one diseases that people get by venturing outdoors during an eclipse”.  

Lady Health Minister of Punjab: “I have always said that the people of Lahore are highly intelligent people, I know that they are not “jahil”, like those in the rest of the country, so I was shocked to hear that many of them were looking directly at the sun during the eclipse. We don’t have enough eye clinics in the city to cope with the rush of visually impaired people which we are sure to see in the coming days. So I have requested our beloved Leader to arrange the next solar eclipse at night”.

The very learned Science and Technology Minister: “I have developed an app to determine the date of the next solar eclipse so that our people are prepared well in advance and don’t risk their health by venturing out of their houses. Please note that the eclipse was arranged to take place on the twenty first day of the month, so I am doing my best to reduce the fuel consumption of helicopters to Rs. 21 per km of flying. I’m also asking my ministry to do research on how to increase the fertility of our women to enable them to have twenty one children without any problems”.

The Dear Leader Imran Khan: “As I expected, the opposition is playing politics with our resounding success in arranging the “smart” solar eclipse. We managed to do it despite the terrible corruption of previous governments. As you can see, we arranged the total solar eclipse to occur in Sukkur (which is in Sindh), so no one can say we are victimizing the ruling party in that province. And whatever they say, I’m not going to spare those involved in the sugar and flour scams, the petrol shortage scam, the medicine prices scam and all those other scams that have come to my notice (or will soon be brought to my notice, considering that those who oppose me are doing nothing but pointing out scams happening in my tenure)”.

Minister for Communications: “Have you noticed that the solar eclipse lasted 200 minutes or so? This proves the previous government siphoned away 200 billion dollars which I’m determined to bring back to the country before the next solar eclipse. And from now on any letter posted in Karachi will not take more than twenty one days to reach its destination anywhere in Pakistan”.

Prominent politician from Sindh: “We know why Sindh was chosen to have a total solar eclipse. They knew that if they had arranged to have it in Punjab, it would have lasted two hundred and twenty nine minutes, but they are sadly mistaken if they think we’ll forget the two hundred and twenty nine billion rupees they owe us”.

Punjab chief minister: “I always knew the previous government was highly corrupt, but I didn’t know how much. Now I know. In the last twenty one months that they were in power, they carried out twenty one trillion scams, each scam worth twenty one trillion rupees. During our remaining four years we shall do nothing but recover the entire amount that they have looted. (provided, of course, if we are able to calculate how much is twenty one trillion multiplied by twenty one trillion)”.