America leads the way in global warming

 Published in The News on April 28, 2006

In the seventies, with oil prices going through the roof, the Americans did a magnificent job of conserving fuel under President Jimmy Carter. Unfortunately, it's not happening now, when the need for conservation is much greater, not only for consumers to save money but also to save the earth from the menace of global warming. The US, being the greatest consumer of fossil fuels and the greatest polluter, will have to lead the way again, if mankind is to be saved. Americans should act now, before it is too late. After all, this is the only planet we have.

Shakir Lakhani,

Karachi

VAT Scheme

 Published in Dawn on September 25 - October 1, 2006

TAXPAYERS generally try to avoid paying taxes, as much as possible, on the assumption that much of the taxes paid by citizens are siphoned off by civil servants. 

Local traders never stop complaining that there is too much taxation and too much of corruption.

To increase tax revenues, the government should seriously consider imposing a five per cent VAT on all retail sales. This will require every retailer to get himself registered with sales tax department. To avoid protests, proper incentives be given. The trick is to reward shopkeepers as well as purchasers.

Under this proposal,  shopkeepers will keep a detailed record of the VAT paid to the government. In a month or so, the government will refund 10 per cent of the VAT amount. 

For the purchaser, the governments should adopt the kind of scheme recently introduced by the Indian state of Kerala and successfully implemented in Taiwan, Turkey and Venezuela. 

The retailer will issue a receipt displaying the amount of sales tax on a particular sale. The shopkeeper will also give the purchase a numbered coupon provided to him by the government (known as "VAT coupon").

These coupons will be of Rs.5 and higher denominations. Every time a person buys commodities worth Rs.1,00 the shopkeeper will give him Rs.5 coupon. For a sale of Rs.1,000 the purchaser will get a coupon of Rs.50. Every week, a draw will be held and the holders or the coupons bearing the winning numbers will be given prizes. If necessary, this scheme can be modified, but the principle may remain the same. 

The purchaser will tend to buy goods only where the coupons are given, which will increase the sales of the registered retailers. Everyone will contribute to the exchequer, except, of course, those who are very poor. Even those items which are smuggled into the country, will be taxed. There is a tremendous potential for increasing revenue receipts , if such a scheme is introduced.

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi.

What future historian will say about the US-Iran war

Future historians

THERE is every chance of the Americans resuming the war on Iran, considering that both parties are not prepared to budge from their positions despite the fact that almost every country in the world is badly affected. It would be interesting to speculate what future historians will think about why this war happened, assuming that this war does not annihilate all humans and there is a future.

The first thing they will conclude is that it was apparently normal for Israel to have nuclear weapons, but the thought of Iran going nuclear gave some politicians sleepless nights, and that was why they repeatedly bombed Iran’s civilians.

The fact is that future historians would also think that this war was conducted to postpone a corruption case against the prime minister of one country, and to distract the growing attention of the people of another country from something called the seriously notorious Epstein files.

The cost incurred by the United States in the war would not escape their attention, as missiles costing up to $15 million each were used to cow down a much weaker adversary that posed no danger to it.

Historians would wonder why the people of that great democracy did not protest against the war. Perhaps it was because the majority in that country assumed that there were no Palestinian Christians, and only Muslims were being killed.

Finally, they would conclude that it was the Palestinians who were responsible for the war, because they had this inexplicable aversion to being killed by the Israelis.

Shakir Lakhani
Karachi 

Published in Dawn, June 6th, 2026

https://www.dawn.com/news/2005588/future-historians

 

 

It could happen to you also

 Published in Dawn Magazine on February 22, 1998

YOU NEVER thought it would happen to him. He had been your friend in school, the only son of a millionaire who had always been carefree and fun-loving.

But one day, after you returned from abroad, you were shocked to find him changed. Gone were the designer shirts and jeans, the expensive wrist-watches, the imported shoes. Instead, he was always clad in plain white cotton shalwar-kurta and modest slippers. 

A neighbour told you what had happened: he had become the follower of the Imam of a mosque nearby, according to whom indulging in all forms of entertainment was a sin. So the new convert had smashed all his TV sets and everything else in his house which could result in making him have what his mentor said were "evil" thoughts. 

And since the preacher said the the only books worth reading were those written by him, he got his son admitted to the madressah run by his mentor. And so, instead of playing cricket and preparing for college, the young boy of 14 began to read the mentor's books and listen to his speeches. He gradually became a fanatic. What followed was predictable. 

After a fiery speech by the Imam one Friday, the young boy (not yet 16) went berserk and attacked a couple of neighbours who belonged to another sect. He was lucky no one was killed. When things cooled down, you went over and begged your friend to arrange for the boy to be sent to another town. You told him that the only way to save him was to keep him away from his company. But he only shook his head, and advised you to become a follower of the crank yourself.

By Shakir Lakhani

My fifteen hours in hell

 Published in Dawn Magazine on March 8, 1998

AFTER A MONTH  in the Holy Land you feel that you should now grow a beard. So, although it makes you look ten years older, you stick to it. The beard, plus a tasbih (rosary) in your hand and a grim expression on your face, soon has people regarding you as a wise man and scholar. 

One day, after a late wedding dinner, you ask a friend to drop you at a short distance from your place, as you think a ten-minute walk will do you a world of good. 

After a couple of minutes, a police van appears and they ask you to come with them. You tell them you live a couple of streets away, but they won't budge. 

So you climb into the van, and when you get to the police station, you find it full of other bearded men. It turns out that two foreigners (citizens of a neighbouring country) had been shot that evening, and so the cops had decided to arrest everyone who remotely looked like a fundamentalist. You try to talk to the cops, but no on pays you any attention. You are locked up with the others.     

You spend 15 hours in the stinking black hole before you spot someone you know, a visitor outside the cell. By sign language, for the noise is deafening, you tell him to contact your folks. An hour later a couple of nephews arrive. You seem them distribute money liberally among the cops, and you are allowed to go. You ask them how much they had to dole out for your freedom, but they don't tell you. Later, when you find out, you almost have a heart attack. 

The next day you rush to a barber and have all your facial hair removed. You resolve never to grow a beard again even if it means that you'll fry in hell. Now that you've been to a place worse than hell, you are confident that spending an eternity in the real thing won't be such an ordeal. 

By Shakir Lakhani

Revenge is sweet

Published in Dawn Magazine on July 18, 1999

I HEARD about it when I was in Saudi Arabia, and I have every reason to believe that the story is true. 

Returning home in the dead of night, a foreign executive ran over a young Bedouin and left him bleeding on the ground. He figured that since no one else had seen the accident, no one would guess that he had done it. Little did he know that the locals had their own highly organized network of intelligence agents. Someone in the neighbourhood whose job it was to note such things reported his late arrival, and while he was still in bed the next morning, the police came over and arrested him.

The trial was short and swift. He admitted his guilt and agreed to pay the victim's mother whatever the Qazi decided. But she was firm. "I have not slept a wink since my son's body was brought to me," she said, "and I shall not rest until his killer dies the same horrible death that my boy did." The Qazi urged her to forgive and forget, but to no avail. Finally they told him to be ready to die. 

The next morning he was taken to a courtyard and told to walk toward the centre. He hadn't yet reached the spot when a jeep hit him from behind. As he lay writhing on the ground, the jeep ran over him a couple of times. It took a few minutes for him to die, and all the while the old woman watched him contentedly. When he stopped breathing, she smiled and said, "Now I can sleep in peace."

By Shakir Lakhani

Failed state

Published in The Friday Times on March 24-30, 2006 

Sir, 

NAB has closed its investigation into the sugar scam following threats by those involved of a further price hike. It seems that criminals are highly influential in this land of the pure. They can flour the law with impunity, and they can enter parliament, where they impose taxes without paying taxes themselves. Do we need any more proof that Pakistan is a failed state?

Shakir Lakhani, 

Karachi

Clifton Crisis

Published in Daily Times on October 12, 2006

Sir, Block 9 of Clifton used to be calm, peaceful place until someone in the government came up with the "bright" idea of constructing an under pass there. This project is designed to provide permanent employment to may people and also, of course, ease traffic. Before the recent rains, authorities filled storm water drains with the mud that was removed from under the road to make the underpass. The contractor saved a huge amount that would have been incurred in removing this mud to another location. Everyone can well imagine what happened to the area when the rains came and the drainage system was blocked. When the government wanted to find out why Clifton Road had been turned into a giant swimming pool, they discovered that the storm water drains had been filled with mud and so they dug up most of the service road which runs parallel to the underpass, this was a way to help the rain water find the way to the sea once again. But before they could line the trench with concrete, the rains ended and for more than a month the people who live or work in Block 9 have been at great risk. No one has thought of doing something about the kilometre long trench, which any incoming car can fall into. Knowing how things are done in this country, you can be sure that the ditch and the trench will remain as an albatross around our necks for a very long time. 

Shakir Lakhani 

Karachi

Gas out

 Published in The Friday Times on April 18-24, 2008

Sir, 

I had been wondering why the gas pressure in my home had suddenly decreased until I read that some people had installed gas generators to be used during the frequent power outages which are turning the people of Karachi into nervous wrecks. I had always thought that using Sui gas for this purpose was illegal, unless special permission had been acquired beforehand. However, instead of penalising those who are indulging in this blatantly illegal activity, the Southern Sui Gas company has come up with an NRO of its own. It has decided to "regularise" what is unlawful by charging Rs. 1,200 per kva from those who are breezily violating the law. This translates into a one-time payment of 6,000 for a 5 kva generator, the most commonly used variety. But again, those who choose not to deposit this amount can still go scot-free. How will the SSGC know who is using gas generators unless the users themselves inform the company? 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

Plagiarist Purge

 Published in The Friday Times on March 14-20, 2008

Sir,

It was good to hear that Punjab University finally took action against the plagiarists, but merely sending them into early retirement was not enough. Some kind of financial penalty together with appropriate measures to ensure that the guilty ones do not get employed in other colleges or universities would have been more suitable. There is nothing now which can prevent these felons taking up teaching and influencing young minds again. Were they let off lightly because of their links to a religious party which has made the university a hostage for many years now?

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi