I'm 82 today

Another year completed and I'm still alive, although on many days I wondered why. It's been a painful time, with two near relatives dying and me falling down the stairs at Manchester Airport last week. Besides this, I've been suffering from severe constipation for the last four months or so.

I mentioned two near relatives dying, both of them suddenly. One was a male cousin, five years older than me, apparently in very good health, dying of a heart attack after his morning bath. That was really shocking, but even more was finding out that my wife's brother was on the verge of death when we landed in Karachi last week. He died the next day. He too had always been healthy although he'd been a heavy smoker. He'd been physically active until a day before dying of liver cancer.

So many things happened before I left for the UK in mid-July that at times I thought we'd not be able to go. There was the Iran war, with the UAE being a target (we had to transit in Abu Dhabi), besides the geyser pipeline leaking and a bedroom window needing to be fixed to stop it from falling and injuring someone on the ground. Thankfully, the war stopped before we left, and on the return trip it was on hold, although it re-started a couple of days after we returned.

Flying via Etihad Air : a horrible experience

I didn't know that the UAE had been so badly affected by the Iran war until I traveled by the Abu Dhabi-owned Etihad Airways last week. At every airport, the flight was late. At Manchester it was due to late arrival from Abu Dhabi. The plane departed two hours later than the original scheduled time. At Abu Dhabi itself, the flight to Karachi was first delayed by two hours, then another two and a half hours. The first excuse of course was the late arrival of the plane from Karachi, then it had to wait for about fifty deportees, and finally they said there was so much congestion at the airport that it wasn't getting permission to take off for another two hours.

All this time, the plane kept crawling with the air-conditioning switched off (to save fuel), which led to most male passengers taking off their shirts and children crying. The staff was incredibly rude, making one wonder why anyone would want to travel by Etihad Air. But then, at Karachi Airport I was told that even Emirates airplanes were arriving and departing much later than their scheduled times. I'm sure the other UAE airlines have been affected as badly.

In Pakistan, women are always the victims

Every day, Pakistani newspapers are full of atrocities against women. Hina Javed, a working woman employed in the National assembly, was killed, allegedly by her husband and father-in-law for reasons unknown. Probably they suspected her of having an affair with one of her colleagues. Or perhaps she refused to cover her head when speaking to her father-in-law. 

Today's newspapers report that a man killed his own daughter and injured her father-in-law while they were traveling in a rickshaw. If a man and woman decide to marry without the consent of her family members, they are killed. I remember a worker of mine saying, "We are not cowards like you city folks, if our wives ask us to divorce them, we shoot them immediately". The reason of course is the belief that only a woman having an extra-marital affair would ask to be divorced. 

If there is a dispute among two parties, the loser has to give the winner one or even two of his daughters in marriage. A maid in our apartment block had hired a female lawyer to help her getting divorced. One day her husband appeared with ten supporters, demanding that she hand over to him their three daughters. He didn't care that his wife didn't want to live with him any more, he wanted the three girls so he could sell them.

It seems that most Pakistani men regard women as inferior beings who should be treated like animals.

Remembering Zia ul Haq

It's been 38 years since Zia died in an air crash, and it's difficult to say whether his rule was good or bad for the country. For the past few years the media has ignored him on his death anniversary, which is understandable, as Zia dealt with the press with an iron hand, even flogging some journalists. 

I remember the relief which people felt when he overthrew Bhutto, who almost destroyed the country with his nationalization of industry and education. The closing months of Bhutto'r reign were chaotic, no one felt safe on the streets and people prayed for the army to remove him from power. Yet it was Zia who should be condemned for his so-called Islamization of the laws, which made women second-class citizens. 

I remember the days when Bhutto was sentenced to death and hanged later. His supporters were astonished that there were no demonstrations by the public to release him. But Zia had no choice: if he had spared Bhutto, the latter would have hanged him for treason. In a way, it was Bhutto's fault for threatening Zia. He could have quietly accepted his removal from power and gone abroad.   

Supserstitions about eclipses

The recent solar eclipse on August 12 reminded me of what superstitious people used to say about eclipses. A servant told me in 1950 that the moon and sun were being punished by God during eclipses for their sins, although he couldn't say what exactly were the sins the moon and sun could commit. 

Then there were people who locked their pregnant women folk up under the impression that their pregnancies could be aborted or that they would be burnt or scarred beyond recognition. In fact, all girls and women were forbidden to go out of their houses during solar eclipses specially. Muslim preachers would advise their followers to recite certain verses to ward off any evil that could affect them.

In India, women were even told not to go into their kitchens during a solar eclipse, perhaps due to the fear of being injured while cutting onions or other vegetables. A relative of mine got the shock of his life when a Hindu trader in India refused to do business the whole day despite my relative having paid him a huge amount in advance. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that everyone in India stayed at home on the day of the recent solar eclipse.

Pakistan Saudia Turkiye defence pact: what's it about?

All our ministers have been crowing about the recently announced defence agreement between the three countries as if it's a great achievement by the government. But no one really understands what it's about. What difference will it make?  Turkey is already a member of NATO and has diplomatic ties with Israel, so it doesn't have any enemies in the region. Saudi Arabia may have needed protection from Iran and Israel, but it already had a defence agreement with Pakistan, which (by the way) didn't help Pakistan in last year's attack by India, as the Saudis didn't openly support Pakistan but offered to mediate. Pakistan is repeatedly being attacked by Afghanistan and Indian backed militants, yet not a word has been said by the Saudis or the Turks. They could at least condemn India for trying to destabilize Pakistan. 

Is the pact meant to protect the three countries if Iran attacks one of them? Iran has already bulldozed American bases in Saudi Arabia, so perhaps the Saudis needed the pact if Iran suddenly attacked its civilian infrastructure. Pakistan is always under threat from India, but in the recent conflict all it got from Turkey were drones (of which it had plenty and didn't really need). So the question remains unanswered: will the defence pact really help?

Will creating new provinces help?

Pakistan has always had four provinces, even though its population has increased exponentially. But the very idea of increasing the number of provinces makes Sindhi speakers abusive. There is a good reason for this. Sindh is the only province that is dependent for all its revenue solely on one city (Karachi), which provides almost hundred percent of its budget. Naturally, if most of that money is spent in Karachi (if the province is divided), people living in Sindh's other cities will have to pay all kinds of taxes (a big chunk of which will of course go into foreign bank accounts so the rulers can spend the money when they go for their annual vacations).

The arguments against having more provinces of course carry some weight. For one thing, the new provinces will require funds for paying legislators and their staff, which will require common citizens to pay more taxes, as feudal lords will exempt themselves from taxation. So, whether new provinces are created or not, the ordinary man will continue to suffer. 

There is a way to solve the problem, and that is to give adequate funding to local government bodies, as envisaged in the Constitution. But again, for Sindh's rulers, this means less money for themselves and their supporters, so there's a slim chance of that happening.

Massive protests in India

 Until recently it was widely believed that the people of India were satisfied with the performance of their government, although there was plenty of evidence pointing to the massive poverty in the country. The recent country-wide protests in the country have exposed the real face of India.

The most surprising thing that we learnt from the protests was that the people no longer believe that Pakistan is responsible for the problems the country is facing. The BJP has won all elections claiming that it was the only party capable of saving Hindus from rapacious Muslims. The young people we saw in the protests ridiculed Modi for demonizing the minorities. They even refuse to believe that India defeated Pakistan in last year's attacks. This is a refreshing change and if the Cockroach Party is able to gain power in India, or even if it is able to become part of a coalition government, there may finally be peace between India and Pakistan. After twelve years in power, Modi can finally be removed, provided of course that all opposition parties unite.

Does Saudi Arabia need nuclear energy?

The US has agreed to give civilian nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia, a country that has so much oil that it doesn't need it. So why does the country need nuclear reactors to produce electricity? One can't help thinking that it's because both Iran and Israel have it, the latter even making nuclear bombs. So it's obvious that the US has double standards, given that it strongly opposes Iran having nuclear energy.

This is how both Pakistan and India became nuclear powers, both starting with small reactors before enriching uranium to produce nuclear weapons. The world has become more unsafe with the present nine nuclear weapons states, it's going to get worse with the US encouraging other countries to go nuclear. But then, the US desperately needs the money to save itself from bankruptcy, which it will get from the Saudis for providing it with civilian nuclear technology.

So you want a Kassai?

 Published in DAWN Magazine on April 25, 1999

What follows didn't happen, but it may well become the norm in a couple of years.    

Two weeks before Eid, a sweet voice on the phone tells you, "We have the best butchers in town. Register now, or your animals will have to wait another year before they go to their Maker."

You point out that the animals haven't yet arrived from the interior.

"Our men will help you select the best animals."

You tell her to call after ten days. 

"Don't hang up, sir. Our butchers are all graduates. We even have a few MBAs on our payroll."

This was interesting. "What'll I have to pay an MBA to slaughter a goat or cow?" you ask.

"Much lass than what our chartered accountant will take."

You didn't know the situation was that bad, so you say, "All right, send one over on Eid day. What'll I have to pay him?"

"Just a second sir, let me calculate. It'll be  ten thousand for a cow, five thousand for a goat, and fifteen for a camel."

You let out a yell that is heard in Quetta. 

"Maybe you'd like an MBA to do the job? You'll save 50 per cent, and 60 per cent if one of our engineers does it."

"For God's sake, can't you get me a real, genuine, red-blooded butcher who does nothing but carve up goats and cows every day?"

"This Eid is the only time when the real ones do any butchering, that's why you see all these jobless graduates doing their work."

By Shakir Lakhani