The neutralization of NAB

Friends and countrymen, I have come to bury NAB, not praise it. The good that NAB did for the PTI will soon be forgotten. Its mistakes will, however, forever be remembered.
The great Imran says his friends will benefit. And Imran is an honourable man. As we know, friends need to be helped when they’re in trouble. So, the BRT case, Malam Jabba, foreign funding, personal use of a helicopter, all will be forgiven; no questions asked. And those friends, who have properties abroad, like the one who had to surrender a hundred-and-ninety million pounds (forty billion rupees) of illegal money to the British Crime Agency, they will remain untouched. Not to forget the only one who was disqualified by the apex court for being dishonest. Verily, it pays to be a good friend of the Great Khan!
Poor NAB, why did the Great Leader forget how faithful it was before stabbing it in the back? Didn’t NAB keep Noonies and Peeplias in dungeons for six months without evidence of corruption? NAB did everything it was ordered to do, yet its reward was to make it impotent. Surely this is not in the spirit of Medina? Now, the friends will be free to further enrich themselves, their tax evasion will be unchecked, NAB will have no powers to check corruption by those friends who have been looting the country and the nation will be much poorer. Oh, what a fall, my countrymen! Then, you and I and everyone except the friends fell.

After this mother of all NROs, why not give more benefits to people like land-grabbers, smugglers, rapists, murderers and the like? We Pakistanis love to occupy land especially if it belongs to the government, so allowing five hundred acres of land-grabbing should raise no questions. Smugglers are practically exempt already, but just in case NAB wants to take action against them, the limit should be fixed at five hundred million rupees a month. As for murderers, there is one among the friends who spoke openly of killing five thousand people. Why not let him do it? And rapists, too, have the right to ask why they should be punished when practically everyone else is exempt. Perhaps five hundred rapes a month? No, that would be going too far. But a rape now and then should make them happy. And, as everyone knows, happy people translates into more votes.

And so it will go on. Gradually, people will forget what the Dear Leader promised to do when he was on that container, his cronies will never think of deserting him, now that NAB cannot touch them. Will anyone talk about accountability now?
The writer is an engineer, a former visiting lecturer at NED Engineering College