It’s the mafia, stupid!

The Dear Leader has been talking about a mafia that is trying its worst to destabilize his government. And the learned and voluble Railways Minister also mentioned it the other day. He claimed: “A mafia is hatching conspiracies against Imran Khan-led government, but it could not stir chaos in the country”. With so much talk about this mafia and its evil designs, I thought I should look into this, and I found there’s a lot of truth to it. There is definitely a force of evil that has wreaked havoc since the Great Khan was selected to lead the country. This mafia is like a virus which has affected the whole country in different ways.
Take our cricket team, for instance. This was one team which the world of cricket respected, yet this mafia has badly affected the players. Whoever thought they would collapse so completely, as they did in Australia? The mafia infected them. 

The worthy minister of KP claims that devaluation means great benefits, as he now gets Rs. 155 instead of Rs. 100 (when his government took the foreign loan when it started work on the BRT). He also expects that the dollar will depreciate to Rs. 75 when it’s time to repay the foreign loan, something which no rational person would believe. There’s another minister, also from KP, who says devaluation is a blessing, as it results in farmers earning much more than they do now. Apparently he is convinced that the more devaluation there is, the better it is for the country. There is only explanation for all this irrationality: the mafia is at work.

Just take your minds back to the days when there were very few train accidents (when the mafia was absent from the scene). Now we have had so many accidents in the past fifteen months that I’ve lost count. Guess who’s responsible? You’re right, it’s the same mafia.

The last time we had a massive invasion of locusts was about 70 years back. Why did locusts suddenly appear now, just when the PTI had completed just over a year of highly efficient governance? The mafia arranged it.

One would have thought the mafia would confine its nefarious activities only to Pakistan. But no, they so badly wanted the Great Khan to resign, they arranged demonstrations in many other countries also. The leaders of Bolivia, Lebanon and Iraq had to resign after people protested, and now it’s happened in Malta. The mafia’s message to Imran is clear: “You too should go now, otherwise the people will force you to go home”.

Remember when the nation waited with bated breath to hear the good news of oil being found in the Arabian Sea near Karachi? The mafia succeeded in converting all that oil into water, dashing our hopes. I tell you, there seems to be nothing this mafia can’t do.
Take the extraordinary cold November this year in Karachi. Since childhood, I remember this month as being pleasant, in fact, a bit warm during the first half. But never did the people of Karachi have to don winter clothes so early. The first hint of cold usually comes every year in mid-December, but this year the mafia succeeded in making it very cold right in the beginning of November.
Remember the extraordinary statements made by the Minister for Water (Faisal Vawda)? He claimed that within a few weeks, there would be so many jobs in the country that foreigners would be knocking on our doors, begging for employment. He even said small paan-shop owners would stand in line to pay income tax. Why did he say all this, knowing that it was impossible? It was the mafia virus, which had infected him, just as it had infected that chap who said a helicopter consumes only Rs 55 worth of fuel per km. But that isn’t all. Ever wonder why Imran Khan has had to make so many U-turns? Right, he too has been compelled to do so, under the influence of the same mafia. In fact, the mafia was at work even when he was on top of that container, when he said the railways minister should resign after a train accident, and that he would never give an extension if he were the prime minister.

So it’s clear that the Dear Leader and his forty-nine ministers and advisors can’t be blamed for whatever is wrong in the country. It’s the mafia, stupid!
The writer is an engineer, a former visiting lecturer at NED Engineering College