High
inflation = low corruption
JUNE
27, 2019
In the 10 months that the
Dear Leader has skillfully governed the country, I’ve come to the realization
that inflation is actually a good thing. In fact, I don’t think we should worry
at all when prices rise steeply. This government has increased the minimum wage
by Rs 2,500 per month, so the common man will not be affected by high prices. At
least, that’s what this government tells us, and if we know one thing, it’s
that this is the only Pakistani government in history with 100 per cent honest
and truthful ministers. So, when I see rampant inflation and the steep decline
in the value of the rupee (with the US dollar trading for nearly 50 per cent
higher than it did when a corrupt PM went home), I feel a glow of contentment.
Here’s why:
During
the five years of torture the people had to suffer under the previous
government, inflation had been low. The US dollar appreciated by a mere 12 per
cent over five years; the prices of wheat and milk by 13 per cent; and the
price of sugar remained unchanged. The uninitiated might ask what is wrong with
that, not knowing why such low inflation is bad? My answer: everything is wrong
with it. The incumbent government learnt upon taking over power that the
gentlemen keeping the inflation low were looting the country. They did this so
thoroughly that no one knows how they managed to build all those metros etc while
taking practically all our tax money out of the country. Now we know that
they were able to do so by keeping inflation down. The mathematics is simple,
low inflation means high corruption.
So,
when I go to the market today and pay 100 per cent more for onions and
potatoes, 15 per cent more for wheat flour and 36 per cent more for sugar, I
feel secure. Such a high rate of inflation can only mean one thing: corruption
has been curtailed and the country is on the right path.
I am happy when my air-conditioner
conks out and the repairman wants Rs 2,000 more than he charged 10 months ago.
My driver and my servants don’t complain about soaring prices. They know I will
have to raise their wages even if the parliament doesn’t pass the budget. Come
to think of it, the impending 190 per cent raise in gas charges will mean more
inflation, and even less corruption.
Naturally,
I’m worried now. I mean, how will our honest ministers explain why while the
prices of all edibles have soared, have the egg prices actually gone down? I
can imagine the Great Khan frowning and demanding an answer. Finally, I believe
I have cracked this one.
Come
to think of it, it is evident that those who looted the country in the past are
responsible. They are paying the egg dealers to sell at low prices to embarrass
our Dear Leader. After all, they have to use all those looted billions
somewhere. This is their way of blocking the phenomenal progress the country is
making under a popular government. In this nefarious plot, they are supported
by the Indo-Israeli lobby, which wants to denuclearize us. I suggest that the Great
Khan immediately form a commission to investigate and punish those responsible
for the artificial decline in egg prices. We can’t allow our enemies to
destabilize the country in this manner.
The writer is an engineer, a former visiting lecturer at NED
Engineering College, an industrialist, and has been associated with the
petroleum, chemical industries for many years. He tweets @shakirlakhani
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