Our
very talented cabinet ministers!
JULY
16, 2019
You can’t help being impressed by the enormous talent in the
Great Khan’s cabinet.
There is that lawyer who is now science and technology minister.
He’s the one who discovered a helicopter could travel for fifty-five kilometres
with just a litre of petrol. Another chap was caught with bottles of whiskey
that miraculously turned into honey before examination by experts. And how
could we ever forget the genius who was able to clear three papers in just
thirty minutes to get a university degree? I’ve asked all those I know to
immediately hire applicants who have a degree from the said university, even if
said applicants don’t know anything about the job they have applied for.
There’s also that lady advisor for information or disinformation who should
really be the health minister as she is a medically qualified doctor.
We also have a very able and dashingly popular
foreign minister. Only the other day, he stunned his audience of mostly
super-natural invisible beings with his claim that there remained absolute
freedom of the media in Pakistan. In a way, he’s right. Of course, there is a
hundred per cent freedom for the media, but only for those, like himself, who
have nothing bad to say about the government.
This brings me to perhaps the one who tops them all; the chap
who has somehow managed to solve the water problem in my city. Until recently,
it used to be very difficult to get water tankers, but now. I have water all
the time; paying the water mafia thrice the amount I used to pay them last
year. The tanker man says it’s due to the increased cost of labour and fuel, but
he doesn’t know anything about it. He’s probably a graduate of that same
university I just mentioned.
The water minister also knows everything about petrol; claiming
the people of Pakistan are rich enough to pay twice the price they are paying
right now. If things go according to schedule, we’ll soon have to pay much
more, with the government increasing taxes on almost everything under the sun.
And if war breaks out in the neighbourhood, we can kiss goodbye to 112 rupees
per litre of petrol; it could become a rare commodity and we’d be forced to
abandon our vehicles and walk miles every day. Come to think of it, that won’t
be so bad. All my corpulent friends, relatives and neighbours would shed all
their excessive poundage without undergoing those expensive abdominal surgeries
and liposuctions.
Now, this is sheer genius. How did he arrive at
that exact figure of five thousand, despite the fact that millions had to be
liquidated in China and Russia before their leaders were able to change the
destinies of their countries? One must also wonder who those lucky five
thousand would be; sacrificing their precious lives for the nation? Perhaps,
this is how those ten million jobs that the PTI once promised could be
provided. The ten million would be asked to go around the country; selecting
the people to be hanged, you know. Just like what we all would have to do next
month as we choose cows, goats and camels for sacrifice.
It would solve the unemployment problem to a great extent
(particularly among those who voted for PTI).
The writer is an engineer, a former
visiting lecturer at NED Engineering College, an industrialist, and has been
associated with the petroleum, chemical industries for many years
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